A Journey into the Unknown

It's ridiculous, I know that's what you will be thinking soon enough. I miss him. Jasper. It's rediculous,because he is a dog. It has been 4 month; 4 days. Sometimes it seems like it's been way less time since I last held him, and others it seems like a thousand years. Sometimes I just don't understand. With each new bereavement all past loves are re-wrenched away. All past trauma reoccurs. All old wounds are torn open. It's ridiculous my brain tells me. I am not a "listen to your heart" kind of person. Listening to thoughts verses feelings is the best route. However, what happens when your heart just aches. So many people have lost much more. Some have lost less. But, it happened at my birthday. Well, near it. What happened 16 years before, right near my birthday? Lost my Daddy. I know,16 years,"You should be over it." Time doesn't heal all wounds. It just gets you further from the moment of impact. Realize how much t

It's been a few months now, and I thought that the diagnosis would push me to write, but it hasn't. Workout and eat healthy. Yeah.It's much easier said than done. All I have to do is this and my diagnosis could be gone. It's frustrating. I am motivated in my head. I've gotta make my body and attitude follow. My eating has changed. Like a lot. Not 100% all the time, but yeah. It's changed a lot. Don't let your self get out of shape. I am a warning. "It ain't fun," just so ya know. But I have hope. It will get better.

Yet again here I sit.I haven't written in a while, but alas something new has happened and a change has been made. More motivation and a fire has been ignited in me that I thought would never get back... It all started the day I was born... Just kidding. It really all started a minute ago when I found out that eating shit and being a stagnant person gets you health issues. They don't show up the first or the 3rd or 10th time you eat Snickers instead of broccoli. It takes a few years. Like 10. And then the dr says: You could die.         You will die if you don't make changes.                            Take these pills, change your eating                                                        DrAsTiCaLlY. Cut carbs to a minimum. MINIMUM. Nope, cut'em more. No, waaaayyyyyyy more. Yeah. I want to live, so changes I make. Oy vey. I'm jealous of people who eat the worst food possible, never move and somehow they stay skinny, in shape, and their numbers are

Oh my damn. I have been thinking about writing in a blog. I need a way to get the thing inside- outside of my head. I thought about creating a blog and then I found this. I’ve decided that though, I won’t write everything that comes into my head, I plan to explore many topics this year via my blog. I’m hoping others will read and comment. Let me warn you: I plan to not sensor myself, as I usually do. If you are offended by cursing, or you are sensitive-you will just be wasting your time to read this because you’ll end up offended constantly. I will write about ideas that I find interesting and that might include others ideas that I am analyzing. I plan to “become me,” bahahahah! I read my last posts and wow, I had big dreams for last year. I don't really think I accomplished many of my goals, but life did change, which I was sure of. This year: --I got a job that I only dreamed --Bought a house (no commenting, Kevin!!) --Gained some weight L --Learned a new level of strength I did