Emotional Day

So it's pretty embarrassing to admit to being an emotional eater. It is something I have struggled with admitting for a while now. The thing is that I always equate emotional with week and I like to consider myself a strong person. My journey from fat to thin; unhealthy to healthy has to include a lot of self-analysis which can be difficult to do. Why do I emotionally eat? Is it easier to eat then to face the emotions head on? I am pretty certain that this is the case. Today I ate at McDonalds and had a medium fries (in my defense I ordered a small, but was given a medium) and a McDouble extra onions. I ate the McDouble without the bun and documented the points in my app. After eating I was left feeling not fully satisfied and to be honest, a little sick. I felt light headed and like I needed a nap. It didn't feel like the sadness I was experiencing was suddenly gone, but now I just needed to sleep. While I was eating the fries the thought came to me, "You are emotionally eating, stop." It wasn't easy to stop. I proceeded to eat way too many carbs today, which I now realize are my go to for emotional eating. Despite feeling like a failure with my eating today, I wasn't a failure in my self-actualization. I spent some time alone thinking about loss and why I was so emotional. Today I have been thinking a lot about my Daddy. It's been so many years since I have seen him and I don't think that the pain or loss has subsided. There is no solution but to allow myself to cry and remember the good times. Food doesn't bring him back, and in the end leaves me feeling worse then before. It is difficult for me though. If you have loss a parent you can probably understand. I feel like my life is a puzzle picture but there is always a missing piece and there is no way to make it whole. Thank you, God that I had almost 15 years with the best Daddy ever. I am blessed that I have good memories and won't ever take that for granted! I am blessed that my Daddy loved the Lord, my Momma, and my brother and I. I know that I am blessed to have known him.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Thinking about eating

So, my purpose of blogging though my weight loss journey has a few purposes. When I get to goal 1, 2, 3, and eventually I get to my goal weight I want to be able to read over my blogs and realize how far I have come. I want it to motivate me to keep striving to be the best version of myself and never give up. Also, I want to inspire other people. If I can lose weight then anyone can. Lets rewind to high school. A close friend and I used to do every single weight loss fad there was: the cabbage soup diet, grapefruit diet, rubbing a concoction of olive oil and red wine vinegar on our fat. We lost and gained weight. I had thin and fat clothes. We smelled of cabbagen and salad, depending on the week. At the time I didn't fully understand being healthy and weight loss. At one point I was down to 120 points and I still thought I had weight to lose. It didn't help to have thin friends who made comments when I was in my fat pants (150 pounds) that lingered in my head no matter how ...
Read more

Beginning Again

So I created this blog and I have been lazy about it. For the longest time I have had this idea that I would be one of the first people to start a blog with a lot of weight to lose and I would use my blog to track my success. Then when I get to my goal weight I would have a real account of it. For some reason life gets in the way, that's how it's always has been. Well, today I am starting this blog and I am going to write in it regularly. I doubt that many people will read this, but I know that there is something about writing that helps me to work through my thoughts and my hope is that as I do I will learn more about myself and help someone. I mean, even if it's just ONE someone. So, join me as I learn how to lose weight again, how to be disciplined again, and how to maintain my weight loss. To the Journey, HJ
Read more

Weigh Day 3--Up .8 pounds

I don't know why I am not quite as angry as I thought I would be with myself at having gained weight this week. I know that week one I was a rock star when it came to documenting everything I ate. Week two and three I slacked off. I think it is that I imagined that after one week I know how much I can or cannot eat and still lose weight. Well, I don't. I have had many bad habits for about the past 10 years which I hope I can break in a few months. It's so frustrating. I can vividly remember being very skinny and I wish there was a switch I could turn on and be 130 pounds. Uggg. Well, this week I vow to myself to blog everything that goes in my mouth. Also, this week I will implement exercise into my diet. This week I promise to myself that I will exercise 4 days this week at 1 hour each. On another note, today is the 2nd day feeling sick. Hopefully I will lose weight this week, since I have been sick, but it didn't help this week! Hoping tomorrow I wake up feeling bet...
Read more